The problem with the internet and pretty much any space that gets dominated by anti-social nerds is that they are extremely loud and absolutely despise any form of criticism. Because of this, regular people who are not assholes and try to not be annoying end up leaving the online spaces until only the insufferable video game/anime/etc nerd is left. But even then, the same demographic of nerd will in-fight over petty bullshit for nerd ego points. It’s a mess and it makes me ashamed to enjoy video games because the people I share this hobby with are so shit on the internet. Most people who play video games are not like that and most nerds don’t get that bad but on the internet, everyone’s terrible personality traits get magnified times a million and nobody wants to pick a fight with that loud stupid asshole on some forum so nothing changes. The internet has always been owned by the obnoxious man-children because those are the only people with enough time on their hands to whine enough to drive away people until only shitty people like themselves will talk to them. Then they wonder why everyone outside their echo chamber forum hates them when they act so disgusting, insufferable, and utterly without a single hint of self-awareness. I’m fucking sick of people like this. This hobby should not belong to people like this and it makes people like me, who do have interests that fall under the nerd category, look like shit.
There isn’t enough support for people who hate themselves and have absolutely zero self-worth. People without power are simply discarded unless they are useful to someone, usually in the name of profit. Social media is the most popular thing on the internet and yet it causes so many people to hate themselves because they constantly compare themselves to man-made illusions. Every time I see a popular artist get hundreds of meaningless internet points, I die a little bit inside. It’s even worse when whining gets you nowhere. This isn’t right and simply not using social media doesn’t solve the problem. People being successful on the internet shouldn’t make somebody feel like they are better off dead. The internet I think destroyed a large portion of my humanity over the years. I know I am not the same person I was years ago and I can partly blame the internet for that. Too bad there are zero support forums or websites that can actually make me feel better about myself and absolutely nothing anybody on the internet can say will change my mind. That’s extremely foolish to think but I am convinced my destiny is to suffer.
I don’t understand the purpose of internet forums if most of the discussion turns into a circlejerk of either endless positively or endless negativity. If I said “X popular musical artist is amazing” or “Y popular musical artist is mediocre” I would upset people either way. This type of problem is more apparent on video game forums because people need to defend their favorite video games/consoles because I can only assume it has become an identity to them. But people will do that with anything they like even if it’s something trivial like favorite colors. How am I supposed to want to talk to people that only think in a singular way with no nuance at all? What is the point? What’s the point of talking about video games if I am only going to talk to someone that either hates a game or loves a game? Why can’t I say this game has good gameplay but the music sucks? Why am I not allowed a different opinion on someone widely considered to be a God? My only option is either to defend myself from pointless arguments, not engage them at all, or simply agree with them just because they don’t want to hear my opinions. It’s not even like I’m being an asshole about it but there is a problem when I’m constantly biting my tongue just to keep other random people on the internet happy.
I don’t understand people who think time sinks in RPGs aren’t time sinks at all. Obviously these people have much more time on their hands to do those tedious side-quests than I do. Like the people who think dodging 200 lightning bolts in a row in FFX isn’t hard or isn’t time consuming in the slightest. That’s fine if you feel that way but I did that myself and I absolutely would never ever do it again. That was probably the worst thing I did in a video game that was also totally optional. Onion Knight isn’t even that great of a weapon because Lulu is barely useful for the endgame side quests which are also annoying and tedious. Almost every optional boss in that game was a stat wall and it wasn’t very fun to me. Even fighting Nemesis (strongest possible boss in the original version) wasn’t all that rewarding. Then there is the other version which has the Dark Aeons and Penance which is just more of the same stat wall bosses that were present in the Monster Arena. Yuna’s weapon is easy and Auron’s is not that bad. Wakka requires you to play blitzball which I don’t really like, Kimahri has that godawful butterfly catching game, and Rikku has an annoying sidequest involving Cactuars. But they all pale in comparison to what you have to do to get Tidus and Lulu’s weapons. I already explained why lightning dodging is stupid but Tidu’s Chocobo racing thing was absolute bullshit. All of FFX’s side quest are not fun in the slightest.
Humans are trash. Obsessed with tribalism, only thinking about their genitals, and completely hypocritical. Most of them just give a damn about only one thing and that’s power. They will do anything to attain it too. Nuance and empathy are things that are luxuries because everyone is itching to get in a fight whenever they are given the chance. Friendship is only worth so much because the minute you do something wrong, you’re discarded like a ball of paper. Not much has changed since the dawn of humanity and it makes me so sick. A disgusting blood-lust race of idiots that are only good at killing each-other and if they aren’t doing that, they are throwing away their morality in the pursue of hedonism. Social media just takes the worst of humanity and amplifies by a million as well. Really, how could anymore wish to live in a world filled with nothing but pain?
All of it is pointless. My friends don't care about me and I have no social life. Of course, this can only be my own fault. But I don't know how to fix that. Nobody cares about me trying to do the right thing and even if I was noticed, they would easily forget later. There is no point. The only thing this world is good for is enjoying it as much as you can while hurting as little as possible. Too bad people love to fight over dumb bullshit.
What pisses me off the most about my PC breaking is the fact it's my own fault. I should not have been trying to mess with the CD drive while the computer was running. A short circuit probably fired the motherboard but hopefully my hard drive is safe. Somebody more knowledgeable than me could fix the thing but I don't have that kind of money. Granted, that computer isn't really needed for anything important as it's just for gaming but that's one of my few hobbies so it hurts me. My mom doesn't know yet and I don't want to tell her because there that will have to be something she'll have to get in future. This sucks. I miss my games. I don't want to hook up the PS2 again and I'm tired of playing Pokemon on the Nintendo DS.
I do not care how good your plot is but if your video game cannot make me care about the main character(s) and instead have me wishing more focus on the supporting case, then something is wrong with your game. Also, do not taunt me with the illusion of choice and have your plot always end the same way regardless of what I do. Either have a dynamic story that changes depending on player choice in a meaningful way or don’t have it at all. A plot set in stone is fine but when you give players a choice to alter the story, it needs to matter because otherwise it’s insulting. Just because you feel your writing is perfect in every way and that your characters are flawless doesn’t mean the player will feel the same about them.
Don't know why people argue and debate anymore. It's not like people commonly sway their opinions for logic and the greater good. People have always been selfish and that is way if you criticize someone's art and God forbid their porn, they'll flip shit. Nobody actually wants to change and instead they want constant reinforcement of the pleasurable desires that distract them from the disgusting world we all live in. And people will just call me edgy for saying this I'm sure. Fuck them.
I despise the way some people conduct themselves within my own fandoms. Just their mannerisms and the way they communicate...quite annoying. I'm a worthless human being with immense amounts of hatred inside of me but these people don't take anything seriously. They make me sick but I'm no better. But it's best not to take this shit too seriously because it's not like anybody else gives a single shit.
Sometimes it feels like I am Nitro's only fan. A character like her would probably not succeed in 2016 especially since everyone loves to throw around that shitty buzzword edgy. Damn I hate that word. It's the new emo and it's used to label any character that is even the slightest bit dark. It's bullshit.
I hate begging. It stripes myself of both my pride and my love for myself. I do not have power so when I need to ask someone for help, it makes me hate myself. Not everyone can be strong it seems and I am one of those people. This type of thinking is defeatist I will admit but this is what I feel inside. Everyday and by my own choice, I watch people with more talent than me seem to get adoration from random people on the internet and even worse, I see people with no talent be popular for nothing. It sucks. We worship the wrong things and when people need help, we let them rot. The word “friend” doesn’t mean anything other than an acquaintance that entertains you for a bit but you wouldn’t weep for them if you couldn’t talk to them anymore. And why would you? Human beings are only useful to other human beings if you fulfill their selfish desires for social interaction that cannot be removed because humans are built in ways that we simply cannot change. We need food and water to survive physically along with social interaction to fulfill mental happiness. But if you cannot make friends at all or you’re a miserable bag of trash well you are just doomed to an eternity of unhappiness. Social media is a good website to bitch and moan endlessly about the bullshit you endure in life and it is utterly hypocritical of me to condemn excessive complaining while also partaking in it. But I do this because I am both hateful and lonely. I hate humanity. I hate how people are better than me although I am still happy for them. Never is it about other people really but a certain disgust inside myself that other people amplify. This is only my fault really and I don’t want people to think I’m some type of asshole that hates anyone who is successful because I’m not. But there is someone I am allowed to hate with all my soul and that person is the one who typed out this long ass post. Me. I hate myself. I hate how talentless I am and I hate how little money I make. Profit is one of the reasons humans exist and if you can’t make profit well you’re fucking worthless. This is a fact that the world needs you to accept because money is worth more than human life. Happiness, love, friendship - all of it is utterly meaningless if you have power. With power, you can do anything and nobody can stop you. Why should I even pursue trite things like video games or drawing if I cannot make a consitant profit from those things? For Fun? Pointless. Fun won’t keep me alive but it will let me distract myself from this disgusting human world. I’m having a really bad day it seems and it will only get worse from here especially since Trump is now my president. He's gonna fuck up the country so bad holy shit I don't even give a shit if you think I'm "fear mongering" or whatever. Still, I want to remain hopeful even if it's delusional.